That Don’t Impress Me Much
For those of you wondering where the blog has been (Mom), here’s exhibit A:
My Bathroom
and exhibit B:
My Kitchen
and exhibit C:
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[pause]
VRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR EEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR EEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BASH CRASH CLANG CLATTER BASH BASH
[ominous pause]
[ominous swearing]
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRT.
What I Listen To All Day
For the love of pandas! I mean seriously. What on earth is so noisy about tearing down walls and installing new floors and sawing apart concrete blocks and so on and so forth? 
I ask you.
So I’ve been staying away from my house for the last week and a half, which means being cut off from my wireless internet, making blogging a bit difficult, especially where my parents live, which is to say, the eighteenth century. Not to mention I am totally behind on all my TV right now (SIGH).
But I did manage to watch the beginning of Planet Earth, mostly for the polar bears. Holy bananas! You guys have to watch this show if you can. It’s a documentary series on the Discovery Channel about (obviously) the planet, and they used the most advanced camera technology to get shots of things nobody’s ever seen before.
In the first twenty minutes of the first episode, there’s a sequence about birds of paradise that live deep in a rainforest and it shows their mating dance, which is just about the WEIRDEST thing I’ve ever seen. This bird flaps out its neck feathers into a fan around its head and suddenly all you can see is an iridescent turquoise line against the black feathers that looks like a mouth and two iridescent turquoise dots that look like eyes, dancing and leaping and ballyhooing around.
This is a bird!
It’s SO WEIRD! And he jumps and leaps and dances and jumps and after all that craziness, the plain little brown female rejects him! Oh, snap!
“Yeah, I”m like, so unimpressed.”
Guess she’s looking for a bird with brains instead. Or maybe a brains-shaped turquoise splotch on his tail, anyway.
And, of course, the polar bear cubs are redonkulously adorable. And that’s only in the first twenty minutes! There’s another ten hours and forty minutes to go! Which I’m sure my overloaded DVR is going to be very excited about, considering how I’ve been neglecting it lately. 
Incidentally, I’m pretty sure the contractors must think I’m some kind of crazy housewife who just lounges around in the other half of the house, eating bon-bons, sleeping until noon, and watching reruns of The Amazing Race all day. But here’s what they don’t know:
* I watch The Amazing Race while I’m exercising (yogalates, woo!), so it’s the veritable opposite of lounging, so there.
* Most of my writing happens between midnight and 4am, so that’s why I’m still asleep five hours later when you start ringing the doorbell and demanding to know where the towel rack should go, my lovely noisy friends.
* I’ve sworn off bon-bons…at least until after the wedding. But after that, bring on the lounging and the bon-bons!
All right, time to post this! More soon, assuming I don’t get buried in rubble while I’m climbing piles of doors to get to my office. 
Quote of the Day: "Sir, I get four, sometimes five calls a day. I can’t be expected to keep track of every single one." — Nicole on Andy Barker, P.I. 