A Plea for Seahorse-Giraffe Peace in Our Time

OK, now REALLY set your DVR’s!  Vicky’s Today show appearance about Seekers will be on this Friday instead.  So we’re told…fingers crossed!  And the book is #3 again on this week’s New York Times bestseller list, so YAY!  Bears are taking over the world!  Someone warn Stephen Colbert! 

And say, while you’re setting your DVR’s, you should make sure you’re also recording So You Think You Can Dance for the rest of the summer, or else this blog is liable to make no sense to you (and isn’t that the most important thing?). 

I am SO BANANAS HAPPY that this show is back!  I’m already totally in the phase where I can’t wait for Wednesday and all the time in between the last minute of the results show and the first minute of the next show feels REALLY SLOW I WANT MORE DANCING NOW ROOOOOOOOO!!!!! 

In fact, I’m seriously considering posting this blog on Wednesday nights instead of Tuesday nights for the next eight weeks.  What do you think?  That way I can talk about what my favorite dances were and make some fearless predictions before the Thursday results show.  OOOOOOO?  Isn’t that what you all desperately want this blog to turn into?  ;-)  OK, so maybe not this week.  We’ll see how the next episode goes (TOMORROW YAY!) and how compelled I feel to share my thoughts about it.  (La la laaaa!)

Last week was torture for me because none of my friends who normally watch the show were able to watch it in real time, so I had NO ONE to talk to about it!  (For some reason Adam doesn’t want to spend three hours discussing how tangos are inherently boring and how many times can we watch that too amazing hip-hop routine and what a relief it is that Twitch and Kherington were surprisingly cute together and how OMG Joshua Allen is the cutest most talented person in the history of television ever although also William Wingfield is soooo hot and aww yay I love this show yay!) (I know, can you imagine Adam not being interested in that conversation?)

Ahem.  I mean…writer-y thoughts!  Let’s see, I actually had a writer-y thought recently.  I mean, in between all the actual writing.  :-)  Oh, I know — it was about funny phrases involving body parts.  Like, I have caught myself writing:  "His eyes roamed around the room".  Think about that for a second.  Hee!  Sort of amusing and creepy at the same time, isn’t it?  I feel like I have seen that kind of thing in other books and not been bothered by it, but once I noticed it in my writing I have to stop myself.  Or else I’ll accidentally write: "He kept his eyes on her face"  or "Her eyes fell to the floor" and end up losing ten minutes to a giggling fit.

This happened with a similar phrase the other day, and now I’m very concerned that I may have used it before and not caught how silly it sounds.  I was writing about a character whose glasses slipped a little as he ran, and I wrote: "He pushed his glasses up his nose." 

Ahahahahaha!  Of course what I mean is "up to the bridge of his nose", which is too unwieldy to write, but now I have this eternal mental image of poor Troy with a pair of glasses sticking out of his nose.  Oh DEAR.

Maybe that’s why not enough characters in books have glasses: because they are surprisingly awkward to write about.  I should go research how Harry Potter gets his glasses back into the right place.

[Pause.  Yes, of course I’m actually off researching this.  Rereading all of Harry Potter sounds much easier than writing a blog.]


Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, VERY FIRST PAGE:
"The quill paused at the top of a likely-looking paragraph.  Harry pushed his round glasses up his nose, moved his torch closer to the book…"

DUDE!  Well, it’s a relief that it’s not just me, then, because I’m pretty sure Gus probably has his glasses up his nose somewhere in Avatars too, beyond the reach of my being able to fix it.  And if J.K. Rowling can get away with it, by the Logic of Bestsellerdom, it must be OK for the rest of us.  😉

Speaking of OK for the rest of us, there is a horrifying article on Slate that asks: "Can a night owl become a morning person?"


I think a better question would be: "Can a seahorse become a giraffe?"  Because obviously giraffes are INHERENTLY SUPERIOR, right?

Or perhaps: "What is wrong with this author?  Why does she hate happiness?"

Seriously, it’s not like she has to get up in the morning.  My heart goes out to natural night owls who are subject to the tyranny of the morning world and morning jobs.  I hope one day you will all be free!  I have a dream of a world where everyone sleeps when they need to and as much as they need to!  Seize the night!

But this author is a freelance writer, like me, who doesn’t like the fact that she often stays up until 1:30 AM (gasp!) and sometimes gets up as late as 9:30AM (GASP!).  I…are you serious?  That’s not a real night owl.  That is a POSER night owl.  Of course it is not surprising that a poser night owl secretly longs to be a morning person.  REAL night owls are perfectly content at 4AM, knowing that absolutely nothing exciting is going to happen before noon the next day anyhow.  (I hardly think surfing the Internet at 8am is superior to doing it at 3am, hello.) 

OK, it’s actually a funny, well-written article, and I’m sure she’s a lovely person.  But MAN do I get steamed at the idea that we all "should" be morning people and that it is "better" to get up at 6am.  More "virtuous," MY BUTT.  This to me sounds like deliberately making yourself miserable for no purpose.  If my natural biorhythms insist that I work best between midnight and 5am, and that I’m happiest and healthiest when I let myself get as much sleep as I need, why on earth would I torture myself trying to change that?  (And I’m not making it up — look!  It’s IN MY DNA!)

And when I do have to get up in the morning, I don’t think I’m very cranky about it.  I think I’m rather polite and civilized.  Evidence suggests that in fact I’m extremely chatty.  If I must be awake at a crazy hour, I figure the world owes me some socializing.  

For instance, when poor Kari lived with me and we both had pernicious morning jobs, I would try to have lengthy chipper conversations with her every morning.  This she did not enjoy.  If she could have woken me by dumping a bucket of ice over my head and then fleeing silently down the stairs, I’m pretty sure she would have.  I have yet to find a roommate who wants to have lengthy chipper conversations with me in the morning (Adam, not so much with the lengthy conversations…pretty much anytime).  ;-) 

I’m not asking morning people to change.  I’m not judging you or saying your lifestyle is wrong.  I’m just saying, I think there’s room in the world for seahorses and giraffes.  And wouldn’t it be nice if both of them could get all the sleep they needed, when they needed?  I seriously think half the world’s problems could be solved by having everyone get enough sleep.  Fewer cranky people = better customer service = even fewer cranky people = better world.  :-)  That’s my campaign platform.

All right, back to writing (as it is only 3:30am, after all!).  Fingers crossed for the Today show on Friday!  I can’t wait to see it!  That should help tide us over during the long 6-day wait between SYTYCD episodes (dramatic obsessive sigh). 

Quote of the Day:
Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?
Jack: It’s after six. What am I, a farmer?
30 Rock