Refusing To Be Cute

All right, I’m not sure I can condone this kind of behavior, because Sunshine clearly disapproves. Whenever we try to put a costume on her (and when I say “costume” I mean “princess hat,” and come on, who wouldn’t want to wear a princess hat?), she objects mightily. In fact, her attitude is something like this guy”s:

So I have to assume she has a blanket no-dogs-in-costumes policy, and I know I ought to support her passionate political beliefs.

On the other hand…these pictures are SO cute!

Look! It’s a dog dressed like Yoda!:

And Dog Lobster!:

And tell me this cat isn’t just over-the-moon deeeeeee-lighted with its Harry-Potter-ness:

So I’m afraid I just have to post them and hope that Sunshine lets it pass, given that I’m not subjecting her to the princess hat this Halloween. By the way, I got these pictures in an email forward that’s going around, and of course they’re also on Cute Overload (best site EVER), which says they’re originally from here.

In other news, I’ve discovered something VERY dangerous, mainly to me and my deadlines, which is that episodes of The Amazing Race are shown on the Game Show Network EVERY NIGHT at, like, 3am. I just watched the last episode of season 4, and season 5 starts immediately the next day. EEK! How did I not know this? I think if I did know it, I assumed I didn’t get the Game Show Network, because we don’t even get Bravo or FX, so I wouldn’t have thought our cable was coooool enough for an entire network of game shows.

Anyway, this daily Amazing Race fix is dangerous for many reasons. See, I just started seriously watching The Amazing Race last season, but now I’m totally hooked. And only season one is on DVD! What’s that all about? Don’t the millions of people who audition want to buy all the seasons and study everyone’s mistakes? Just me? OK, then.

So there are, like, seven seasons of The Amazing Race I’ve never seen, but now I can! Whoopee! Which means my DVR is going to kick my ass. It’s going to be like, seriously? Seven more hours of TV a week? SERIOUSLY? (Yes, seven; it’s on Saturdays and Sundays, too! Best syndicated network ever!) And of course I find this out now, with November sweeps coming up, when every show is new and shiny and exciting. My DVR is going to figure out soon that it has all the power in this relationship. It’s going to start holding shows for ransom and demanding things. As if I don’t shower it with enough love and attention! Don’t be surprised if it orders me to post pictures of it on here; it so thinks it’s as cute as Sunshine.

The other dangerous thing about watching this much Amazing Race is that it’s one of the few reality shows that, for some insane reason, always makes me think: “Hey! I could do that!” The more I watch it, the more I want to try out. Even scenes of people diving into freezing ice rivers and walking through tiger dens can’t stop me from getting excited. And then I get the theme song stuck in my head and it makes me hyper for the rest of the day.

I think this is why most reality TV doesn’t suck me in. I can’t cook or design clothes (I can barely decide what to wear in the morning myself), so Top Chef and Project Runway are right out. Simon Cowell would cut off his own ears if he heard me sing. And I’m much too fond of brushing my hair and not being eaten by bugs to survive on Survivor.

But international travel I could do! I could run through airports and climb the Great Wall of China and eat fish eyes for a million dollars. I could even, I think, manage to do it without swearing at my partner, unlike many of these teams. Although perhaps it depends on who my partner is.

I have at least three perfect partners picked out who would all be awesome and fun to run around the world with. But one is a vegetarian, so I would literally have to eat all the fish eyes and live octopus and giant bowls of caviar and giant bowls of fried crickets and so on. The second can’t drive stick shift either, so we’d be the team that spends an hour in the parking lot going: “Is this a clutch? I’ve read about clutches. Oh, and gears, something about gears. Maybe we’re supposed to wind it up? Do you see an on button?” And the third person is so funny and crazy that America would fall madly in love with her and be all: “She’s so cute! Listen to her adorable New Zealand accent! Look at her leaping off buildings and herding llamas! I can’t believe Tui yells at her so much. What a meanie-weenie. Why doesn’t she appreciate her mother more?” (<– a clue!)

So, you see, this would be a dilemma, except of course the real problem is that these people have actual jobs and lives and things to do that they can’t take a month away from, not even to gallivant about on TV with me.

Ah, well. Maybe Sunshine will be my partner. She’s got a LOT of free time, and I bet she’d be happy to eat the octopus. Plus she’d look great on TV and she wouldn’t always be complaining to the camera about what a cranky fellow traveler I am. However, I’m afraid they won’t let her into certain places if she doesn’t cover her head…a problem I bet we could solve with…the PRINCESS HAT!

Mwa ha ha…

(P.S. This is from a previous Halloween — and if you”re wondering what the heck I”m supposed to be: The Universe. As in, I wore all black and stuck silver star stickers all over me. Let”s just say there”s more room in my tiny New York apartment for a dog-sized princess hat than for a proper person-sized costume.)